


The Great Umbridge Bashing Nickname List

by Charm_Caster1127



Series: Harry Potter Character Bashing Name Lists [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Bashing, F/M, Gen, Gotta bash 'em all, Harry Potter Character Bashing Nickname Lists, Other, The Toad gets whats coming to her, Umbridge Bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7974334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charm_Caster1127/pseuds/Charm_Caster1127
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A list of all the Umbridge bashing nick-names I have read, found, or come up with! Now includes letters and drabbles! Comment if you have created/found a nick-name that is not on the list! (Rated T for language)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The List

Umbridge is a Bitch, a pink fuzzy Bitch.

She is also like a Toad. Not a frog, but a Toad.

Her sweater is horrendous, her detentions even more so.

I mean really, aren't Blood Quills illegal?

Most wanted Harry to beat Voldemort, that is their wish.

Others cheered when Dumbles died, and others went into sulk mode.

Many people cried when Severus Snape let go.

And don't even get me started on that nasty lying beetle.

But something most can all agree on, whether part of the Order or Death Eaters is,

Most of us are still waiting for the the death, of the toad known as Umbridge!

 

1\. Umbitch

2\. Toadlorus Umbitch

3\. Hem Hembridge

4\. That Ugly Toad

5\. Fuzzy Pink Bitch

6\. Toadbridge


	2. The High Inquisitor of DOOM!

She's as sweet as a lime,

and as healthy as poisoned honey.

Some call her Madam Ribbit,

Others say Madam Hem-Hem.

Though one of my favorites I must say,

is Lady Amphibia Bloodfeather.

She's a Glorified Fly Catcher,

and a Secret Half-Breed.

An Under-the-Desk Secretary,

and Fudge's #1 Fangirl.

If you ever need Centaur Bait,

than get That Damn Toad,

The Pink Death will work perfectly,

until each clip clop scares her soul.

She's Cornelius's Right-Hand Toad,

and a bitchy one at that,

but the name we know her best as,

appears when trouble looms,

the most horrid name is defiantly,

The High Inquisitor of DOOM!

 

Dan (Guest)  
5\. Engagement Toad  
6\. TDT(That Damn Toad)  
7\. Closet Totalitarian  
8\. Poisoned Honey

cindygrey (Guest)  
9\. Madam Ribbit  
10\. Madam Hem-Hem  
11\. Glorified Fly Catcher  
12\. Secret Half-Breed  
13\. Under-the-Desk Secretary  
14\. Fudge Fangirl  
15\. The Pink Death  
16\. Lady Amphibia Bloodfeather  
17\. Eva Braun  
18\. Centaur Bait  
19\. Cornelius's Right-Hand Toad  
20\. Bloodline Preservation Gone Wrong  
21\. High Inquisitor of DOOM!


	3. A Letter From Gred and Forge

Gred and Forge

It has come to our attention...

...That our brilliant...

...Awesome...

...And all-around charming Charm Caster...

...Has problems with authorities.

...Or, more precisely...

...With those who know no fun...

...And at the first sign of trouble...

...To the Pink-Dressed Toad they run.

(Oi, can you imagine old Perce paired up with that sneak Marietta?)

(Ugh... thanks, Forge; I could have happily grown old without THAT mental image!)

Anyway...

...We have decided to offer...

...To the most charming Charm Caster...

...A little bit of help.

The first of all...

...We solemnly swear...

...That we are up to no- OUCH! Oi, Gred, what was THAT for?

The OTHER oath, Forge! The disclaiming one!

Oh! Alright, then. We...

...Solemnly swear...

...On our Marauderly Honor...

...Bestowed on us but unworthy mortals by Holy Padfoot and Holy Moony...

...That the charming Charm Caster...

...Has our full permission...

...To publish and re-post...

...Everything we leave in our reviews...

...Or any other means of Interwebly communications.

So mote it be!

So mote it be!

(You think that it'll pass Percy's scrutiny?)

(I doubt that even Hermione would find a fault there.)

With that said...

...We...

...That is, Gred and I...

...Deeply promise...

...To diss on Her Toadiness...

...In our wicked Marauderly way...

...So that this charming Charm of story...

...Be always here to stay.

We promise we'll be creative...

...And never skiv on work...

...So we'll have a place to lay it heavy...

...On the Lady With Dulcet Croak.

Maybe we should diss on others, too...

...And expose all their folly...

...Like the ickle-widdle Drakie-poo...

...Sucking up to Auntie Dolly.

We'll be 'round, that we promise...

...Down along the road...

...We'll do our best, with little rest...

...To bash the Woman-Toad!

('Woman-Toad', Gred? I'm mighty disappointed.)

(Oi! At least it rhymes!)

(Too true, brother of mine. Too true.)


	4. The Quibbler

The Quibbler

  
Official Statement: The Quibbler, its Chief Editor, the recently employed Junior Reporter, and anybody else we might or might not quote (usually members of secret study groups and innocent bystanders), per abovementioned Junior Reporter's irresistible puppy-eyed plea, hereby grant Charm Caster1127 our full permission to publicise our exclusive articles sent through these curiously strange Muggle means. Hopefully, this declaration will protect Charm Caster1127 from Nargles and any legal harassment caused by publicising our exclusive articles.

Headline: Squeakspurt

Squeakspurt (pincus toadus maleficius) is a rare amphibian creature that is a result of spontaneous crossbreeding between a Wrackspurt and a common toad. Named for its characteristic high-pitched croak, which sounds more like a squeak, it is recognisable by its fluorescent pink skin and its long, flexible, fly-catching tongue. It produces a venomous cloying scent that, thanks to the creature's heritage, induces symptoms of confusion, reduced cognitive abilities, and nausea at short-term exposure that, if prolonged, may result in brain damage, physical sickness, and, in very extreme cases, death. Its primary diet consists of flies, cat food, and political opposition of Minister Fudge, although it enjoys the look of hopelessness and fear in tortured schoolchildren's eyes as a rare delicacy. The reliable sources report that it enjoys the company of Dementors and cats, and has even managed to domesticate an Umgubular Slashkilter as its pet. It is rumoured that the alpha of the species became an Animagus with the form of a female human, which, partial though it may be, has managed to attract several upstanding citizens of the pureblood elite, diligently ploughing through their ranks until it became the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. Daddy is still puzzled how did it manage to accomplish such impressive feat without attracting the attention of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, although there is still a possibility that this particular specimen is owned by the Department of Mysteries and is involved in a top secret experiment, which is rumoured to be anything from the assessment of the prevalence of so-called 'Wizard Logic' among the witches and wizards employed by the Ministry, to the Department's secret conspiracy for the world domination.

\- Luna Lovegood, reporting for The Quibbler

PS: Hi! Luna here! I've got my daddy to employ me as a Junior Reporter for The Quibbler and give you the official permission to publish some of the most interesting finds I send you this way! Isn't this great? We don't have to part our ways, after all!

PPS: I might occasionally go freelance like I did before. Just to let you know that you have my permission to publish that, too.


	5. Everything from 9/12 to 5/12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the reviews that sat with names from 9/12 to 5/12

_Nigelcat1 (Guest)_

  * Umbridge the Headmistreat



 

_ Lucy in the Sky (Guest) _

  * Mrs. Fudge
  * Frau von Toadde
  * Baba Yaga
  * Pink Nausea
  * Vladessa the Impaless
  * That Unpleasant Thing on Your Shoe
  * Above the Law



 

_ ginnyrules27 _

  * El Sapo (Spanish for 'the toad')



 

 _Tesla9_  

  * High inquisitor of worse than Voldemort.
  * The Pink Doom




	6. A Guest Editorial from the Quibbler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's Luna!

**The Quibbler**

**Issue 2, Volume 2**

**Oct 3, 2016**

  
Guest editorial: Devil's Flytrap

By Neville Longbottom (edited by Luna Lovegood into a more readable and audience-oriented form)

Devil's Flytrap (dionaea diabolica) is a hybrid between Venus Flytrap and Devil's Snare. Cultivated by the Ministry of Magic to rid them of their political enemies, this curious vine-like plant feeds primarily on the sheer agony of its slowly devoured victims, which are anything from common flies to human-sized beings, usually half-breeds and famous teenage boys. It consists of two major parts: its vine-like structure, which ensnares and immobilises its victims into a helpless state, and a single thick stem crowned by a single pink-coloured flytrap, similar in shape to a toad's head, that was large enough to swallow a human-sized prey. It is observed that this dangerous plant is only able to consume a single prey at a time, and that it is usually a very slow and agonising process that may last for an entire school year, depending on its type and size. It is also notable that it shuts its trap only when its current victim is completely gone. This plant is also extremely resilient and very hard to remove once it sinks its roots into one place, and those experts who had prior experience with it had only one true solution for its successful extermination: "kill it; kill it with fire!"

\- Luna Lovegood, reporting for The Quibbler


	7. A Letter from Gryffindors (and a Ravenclaw)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I received this letter via dicta-quill review on FF.net on December 3rd, 2016. After finally posting all the reviews from September 2016, I found this little gem... of course I had to translate some parts from Ron-With-His-Mouth-Full speak to normal English...

Wunnuld Weepfftley*

  
Ee wunnu pfay... PFUFF UWF PFERMIONE, EE'M UGH GFOOWINPH BOUH!**

*PFFFT*? [half-masticated food sprayed all over the poor girl in question]

[swallow] [burp]

Mental, she really is! Damn Dicta-Quills...

Anyway, what I want to say is that Umbitch- [smack] Sorry, Hermione... *Professor* Umbitch... [pat on the head] Thanks... is... Glo-ree-fyd Plague-Bearing Ant-hro-po... Oi, Herms! Can't you just do that Muggle Koppie-Pasta spell, so I won't have to break my tongue on your big words? Thanks!

[Hermione's note: he's *insufferable*]

[20 minutes later]

...Alright, alright, blimey! You *won*! [under breath: *this time*] So I'll rehearse these big words, while you do my Potions essay... [dodges book] ALRIGHT, *CHECK* my Potions essay, but you owe me Cauldron Cakes... [dodges Stinging Hex] I owe *YOU* Cauldron Cakes- Blimey... alright, *NO* Cauldron Cakes and *NO* teeth-rotting sweets whatsoever! *Happy*?

[Hermione's note: not in the least]

[3 hours later]

Alright, *finally* I can start! I want to say that Professor Umbitch, better known as Glorified Plague-Bearing Antropoamphibian – *HA*, I can say the big word in one go now! – is the prime example of everything that is wrong with a modern pureblood.

As Muggle scientists have proved, the combination of the chromosomes from the two specimens bearing the same origin of the deoxyribonukk- wait, deoxyribonucleid acid – whatever *that* means – almost exclusively results in offsprings with one or more physical and mental defects, several behavior disorders, considerable intellectual deficit, severe superiority complex, and a strong tendency to defend the same with violence.

For example, the fine facial features of the Toad-Like Madam strongly imply that her father is also her uncle, albeit the rather vicious implementation of her violent tendencies may indicate a much closer relation to her mother that one may think possible.

I don't know what's wrong with that; Aunt Muriel is a great-aunt to both mum and dad.

[Hermione's note: that explains a lot]

Though some may think that the Salientian Undersecretary might possess complex intellectual capabilities that some may mistake as cunning, it must be noted that she rose to her position right under the top in the institution employing the staff of the similar biological condition, most likely related to one another in some way. Thus, being marginally more capable than the rest of them doesn't mean that her parents haven't met each other at the family reunion.

In fact, her single-minded zeal to "preserve the bloodlines" at all costs, extremely short fuse, excessive cruelty, extreme pettiness and utter devotion to Minister Fudge, strongly indicate that the Genetically-Challenged Inquisitor's parents might have even grown in the same household.

Thusly, we at Spit – alright, blimey, Ess-Pee-Ee-Tee – (Society for Prevention of Inbreeding and Toads), wholeheartedly recommend the regular use of Contraception Draughts to kissing cousins and sleeping siblings. If the problem still persists, the female part of the Society recommends to their fellow girls the use of Explosive Castration Hex as a neat and permanent one-stop solution.

Because you *DON'T* want to bring another Umbridge to this world!

Signed:

_Hermione Granger_   
_Luna Lovegood_   
_Harry Potter_   
_Ronald Weasley_   
_Ginevra Weasley_   
_Neville Longbottom_   
_Gred Weasley_   
_Forge Weasley_   
_Minerva McGonagall_

There, I read it, big words and all! Now Herms, where's my Potions... essay...

Herms?

Harry?

Anybody?

[Hermione's note: just in case the idiot has forgotten to mention, we, the above signed members of SPIT, give you, Charm Caster1127, our full permission for publishing and reposting this unfortunate abuse of perfectly fine Dicta-Quill, because that small-brained simpleton would rather learn how to correctly pronounce words beyond his mediocre ability of comprehension than even bother to write by his own- Merlin, I'm rambling again, am I?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ronald Weasley
> 
> **I wanna say... SHUT UP HERMIONE I'M UGH (I believe this is just the sound effect) GOING TO!


End file.
